YOU'll THANK ME-LATER Amy Campbell, Blogger

TOXICITY - Living With or Without

"A toxic person has no hesitation blaming another

for why they act a certain way"

The term toxic means harmful, negative, destructive, even dangerous. Most toxic people are unhealthy psychologically, sometimes mentally and also physically. They’re almost always unpleasant to be around and because they are not happy with themselves, they make everyone else around them miserable. The sad part is, they don’t really care if others are miserable.

What is a toxic relationship? It can start with a breakdown in communication for sure, but truly, a toxic person has underlining issues that often float to the surface in certain situations. It’s something within them they have failed to deal with. A toxic person has no hesitation blaming another for why they act a certain way, does certain things or why things are not working like they should.

Some signs that you’re dealing with a toxic person are that this person lacks sympathy and empathy when it’s needed the most. They frequently blame the person they’re involved with, rather than see themselves as part of the problem.

A toxic relationship is well known in intimate relationships such as a husband/wife, boy/girlfriend, but it can also be a friend, family member such as a mother or father and their relationship with the child or a brother and sister, cousin and even in a business or work sitting.

What do you do? Firstly, one must recognize that the relationship is a toxic one. If you feel you are the problem then perhaps you need to remove yourself from the situation and give it time and space so you can see what’s inside of you that needs to change. If you’re living with this in the home and you are forced to deal with them and their toxicity, find a way to make yourself happy whether it’s taking up a hobby or some kind or find a quiet serene place to unwind when you need to. Learn to do things that add to your life, that you want and need. Be with the ones that provide you genuine support and most of all, make yourself a priority for a change. I’ve learned first-hand in all that you do, it will never be enough for them and soon you will be empty inside from all the unappreciated sacrifices you’ve made, if you’re not already. Whose there to refill it? Certainly, not them and ‘An empty glass just doesn’t refill itself.’

The sad dilemma in all this is that as long as they continue to get your support, they won’t think anything wrong with them, so they still won’t change. Toxic people are self-centered. Yes, you can love them but you still must do what is beneficial to your wellbeing. Some people won’t ever change, no matter how much you do for them.

God knew there would be some people that would make it most difficult to live with. The bible tells us in Romans 12: 18. “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” Basically, if you find that there are some people you simply cannot live with peaceably because they are forever causing issues, burdens, hardships and you know that you have done all that you can to try and make it work, then the priority should always be to ensure your wellbeing. You cannot help or change people who do not want to change. So, when necessary, it may be wise to, “head for the hills”.

Love them for sure but allow yourself better, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Your happiness and wellbeing matters.

Be Your Best Always

Amy C..

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Please Tell Me You Love Me........... All or Nothing

PLEASE TELL ME YOU LOVE ME..... All or Nothing

There you go looking all gooey eyed with butterflies in your stomach every time you see him/her. You hope they feel the same way too. You’ve been waiting for that moment when you hear them confess how much they truly love you. In fact, you dream about them almost every night, you find yourself scrolling through your phone looking at their pictures.

…………Oh my, you’ve got it bad Boo, when you’re sneaking a peak of their Facebook page or the latest post on their Instagram; hoping that they haven’t already hooked up with someone else.

Being in love is an amazing thing, when you know it’s true love and not lust, but I will address those differences in another blog.

Let’s talk about Love, shall we?

Love is a gift from God because God is love. In the Bible it’s known as ‘Agape Love’, unconditional love. The Bible tells us that Love covers a multitude of sin, meaning when you love someone unconditionally, no matter how many times they’ve done you wrong or said things that hurt; you find yourself still loving them in spite of it all, even when you don’t want to, even when they’ve left you for someone else.

The Holy Bible describes love as (I Corinthians. 13:4-8)

Patient and kind
Does not envy or boast
Is not arrogant or rude
Does not insist on its own way
It is not irritable or resentful
Does not get happy at doing wrong
Finds joy in being truthful

There are other places in this wonderful book about loving someone; the many ways a man should love a woman and how a woman’s desire is toward her mate. This is also something I will share with you on another blog.

A Desire to be Love

Everyone on this earth has a desire to be love. If anyone tells you differently they’re lying. A woman wants to be love, adored, cherished and feel like she belongs and is understood. A man wants to be loved, respected, feel he can trust and have peace.

Even if you’ve been hurt before or rejected, don’t ever give up on love because that would be a mistake. You just may miss the right one still hovering over your hold wounds.

Love has a way of bringing healing to a wounded heart and spirit; especially when it’s the right one delivering it to you.

Since these words can be powerful, don’t be in a hurry to just sprue them out to anyone and so quickly either. If you do love someone and is truly in love with them, say it and mean it or don’t say it at all.

Don’t ever force the issue because love always flows easily from the heart and will always supply that which is needed for the heart.

When you’re In love:

When you’re in love you will know it, feel it, embrace it. You won’t run from it but rather toward it because love draws you closer; rather than act as a repellant.
If you find yourself running from the very thing/person you love, eventually the force what you feel deep inside will break you down because love is powerful and cannot and should not be denied. Stop fighting what you know is true.
When you’re in love; truly in love, don’t be shy to say it to the one or ones you love because most likely they’ve been waiting to hear it too.

What Love Does;

When love touches you it makes you feel alive, makes you want to live, makes you feel whole again especially where you were once broken; makes you want to give and show it in every way that you can.

Love with all you heart and if you haven’t in a while, learn to love again. Even more importantly, if you’re not sure about the love you feel, seek God's guidance for answers because there is nothing greater than knowing and hearing someone tell you “I Love you”.

Be your best always

Amy

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Please Be Kind and Rewind

Before there was digital or Live Streaming of movies. Before DVD’s there was Video cassette tapes They were fairly popular in the 70’s-80’s and into the 90’s. If you’re not familiar with these here’s a quick synopsis. A VCR, known as a videocassette recorder, was used to play videocassette tapes. The VCR was an electronic apparatus used to watch movies or record television shows.

If there was a favorite movie you’d want to see, most people would just go on down to the local video rental store and rent one for a few bucks and then return in a couple of days. There was no swiping of the screen or scrolling to the digital number to get to a certain part of the movie or to the beginning. The only way to do it was with the VCR contraption. No one really wanted that chore and depending how long the movie was it could take a while before the tape stopped at the beginning. I would say 9 x’s our of 10 the previous renters didn’t return the tape to the store already rewound. If the store clerk didn’t do it before renting the movie again, and that was rare if they did; then the next renter had to. Heaven forbid if when you put the tape into the VCR you ended up getting a glimpse of the end of the movie before you could actually get to watch it from the beginning. It was enough to piss you off when that happened. Since the store couldn’t promise they’d rent you the videocassette ready- to- play from the beginning, they slapped a large sticker on the front that read “PLEASE BE KIND AND REWIND”.

What if people would take the time to “BE KIND AND REWIND”? I believe that our marriages, friendships, relationships, partnerships would be so much better, much more productive and less stressful if we did. How about your husband/wife, the one you said was the love of your life in which you now say is an irritating pain in the “you know what?” Both of you can barely spend a few minutes together in the same room. But do you remember the good times when before you married you both couldn’t get enough of each other; sometimes talking for hours on the phone, sharing each other’s meal at dinner, laughing at one another’s stale jokes? What changed ? who changed? “PLEASE BE KIND AND REWIND”

Maybe it was your bestie, that “ride or die friend”. There was nothing you two wouldn’t do for each other. You looked out for each other no matter what. It didn’t matter if one of you didn’t have money because you didn’t mind sharing. You were closer than being with your own families. Now you find yourself at odds, no talking, complaining more than complimenting, feeling angry more than happy thoughts and you avoid each other rather than spend quality time together. Who’s really losing here? My guess is it’s both of you. “PLEASE BE KIND AND REWIND”.

Take the time to remember who you were together. What attracted you to them and what did you exhibit that attracted them to you? Think about all of the times you enjoyed one another’s company. It wasn’t just a marriage it was a friendship. It wasn’t just a friendship it was a sisterhood/brotherhood. It wasn’t just a partnership; it was merger you both benefited from.

Look within yourself first and examine the benefits you both enjoyed when you were together. Do you feel like you’re missing something? Quite possibly.

Answer these questions:

♦How valuable are they to you?

♦Where would you be if they hadn’t been in your life?

♦How much do you stand to lose without them?

‘PLEASE BE KIND AND REWIND”.

TAKE- AWAYS

a)Self - Examination - Always examine yourself first. What changed, who changed. Was it you and if so what changed about you? What are some flaws, habits, or things you could have done differently and need to improve upon right now? Get rid of the bitterness you’re holding because it won’t make you better but will bring you down. Be a better you, better wife/husband, friend or partner.

b) Communication – It is absolutely necessary to communication because no one can read your mind. How are they supposed to know how you feel or think if you don’t share it? Open your mouth and talk (not yelling or using profanity) because you’d be surprised how many times someone can easily misinterpret someone’s words or intentions.

There’s a passage of scripture in Galatians which says, “The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control”. It’s easier to draw your own conclusions, or accuse someone because you don’t like how they acted, what they said or what they did. But are you perfect? I’ll answer that for you, NO, You are not. You may not be able to control their actions, but you can certainly learn how to control yours, if you want to.

Is it really that hard to take a walk down memory lane? Try it before you decide to leave, walk away, give up, throw away or remove yourself from this relationship you’ve invested all of your love and time into. Do yourself a favor… “PLEASE BE KIND AND REWIND”.

Be Your Best Always,

Amy